if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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