And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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