He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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