Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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