Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
