That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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