omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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