I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
