I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
