Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
