Only a mothe r could love this liver
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
