tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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