This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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