i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
