I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
