I'm lost and stupid without you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
