and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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