i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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