Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
