It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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