im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
