he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
