I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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