halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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