i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
