take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
