I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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