HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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