It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
