Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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