bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize