the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
