A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
