Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
