You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
