My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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