why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
