I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
