I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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