dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
