come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
