I just threw up on my dentist
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
