i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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