Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
