how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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