he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
