Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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