I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
