so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
