Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
