It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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