There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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