i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
