So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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