you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
