The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
