I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
