So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
