New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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