in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
