i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize