so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
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Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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