A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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