i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
