I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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