Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
