There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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