hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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