no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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