Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
