I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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