My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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