That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize