I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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