your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
