I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
